Magic Bullets

If you watch TV at all then you have seen the ads for the myriad new medications that are constantly being pimped by pharmaceutical companies. You may have also seen these ads (in some form or another) on the Internet or in your inbox. For whatever ailments people have there is always a new drug (or combination of drugs) that seems to be the be all, end all cure with mild to moderate side effects.

No matter what the drug is it seems that there is always a rather long, laundry list of unpleasant side effects. Nausea, dizziness, headache, rash, fever, bloating, muscle spasms, bleeding, memory loss, seizure, coma, death, zombies are but a few of the unexpected effects one should expect if they are in a certain group.

Check out this TV ad from my imagination:

Zomprexa (Thiobuscaline Atropine Haitian Voodoo Mixture)

Zomprexa has been shown to be effective in treating mild to moderate nasal stuffiness. While Zomprexa may help adults age 15 to 57 breathe easier it should be noted that in several cases (Pennsylvania, USA See Romero et al) reanimation of the recently deceased has resulted in total zombie apocalypse. Talk to your doctor if you experience a zombie apocalypse or similar occurrence.

It is important to note, at least for this diatribe, that not all medicines are advertised on TV. When is the last time you saw an ad for Methadone? With that in mind try and guess what medication is outselling Viagra. If you guessed Zomprexa then you’d be wrong. It’s a little something called Suboxone. Suboxone is actually two drugs – the partial opiate agonist Buprenorphine and the opiate blocker Naloxone.

Suboxone is commonly prescribed to opiate addicted individuals, along with a weaning down process. It used to be that if you had a mean heroin habit and wanted to get clean you just switched to Methadone. Trade one, crippling addiction for another, more regulated one.

Now, thanks to modern medical science, we have Suboxone. If taken as prescribed, an opiate addicted person can rid themselves of that heinous monkey on their back in just a few short weeks. Just like magic. .450 bushmaster ammo

I remember one Christmas when my wife’s mother asked me to hang some lights on the edge of the roof of her two story house in Vegas. After some convincing and my wife’s cute, dreamy stare, I agreed. I lugged a massive ladder out of their garage and proceeded to deck the halls with holiday cheer. Once I finished I started climbing down and missed a rung only to plummet onto the driveway. A few short hours later I was carted out of the hospital with a nice bill and a prescription for Oxycodone addiction.

 

 

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